in transit

sitting with my tiny disabled baby on my lap and trying to work in munich airport. hate transit flights

Day on day off

and today was somewhere in between. days when you are not satisfied by yourself or that environment has such an influence that you get effected by it.

I envy people that are so strong and shielded that nothing can touch or effect them. when one has a path and walks down without taking notice of anything and anyone, when rain and wind does not stop you, and proceed to your goal. while being super sensitive might have some hidden positive aspects, it makes a person so vulnerable and subjected to what is going on around him. and majority of times all this can have negative influence on the person himself. it is so easy to leave your road, when you have so much to worry about... you try to accommodate wishes of everyone and even achieve some progress in this, however you loose your own head in the process and while everyone else is thankful that you saved their lives and they have continued their lives, you have actually lost yours, as you do not have time to think about yourself but those around you. and who is a winner at the end of the day? everyone except you. so good luck my friend in pursuing your goals and ambitions, just make sure that these are your ones.....

baby i am so proud of you. i truly am. you are great. you are brave, smart, professional and your courage is triking beyond you. and that is the problem! you are perfectionist and this striving goes past you. this is why i am so inmensly proud to know you, to have been with you and to always support you wherever you go. But today, your passion was so overwhelming that it actually hurt you. it sroke you back, and i saw it by my own eyes. i wish you to recover asap and to be as exemplary as you have been, to be so passionate as i remember you, to be yourself....

and i foresaw it, i knew this would happen, i even said that aloud and caught myself on word. i should have told you to stop, to take it easy. you wouldn't have listened to me, however at least i would have done something.

i am sorry for not being helping hand for you....

inner me

well for once, i thought words comming out of my mouth were not directed by my brains. why would i say loud what was comming in next 15 minutes? how can it be true? i am no witch, i cannot predict future, but somehow it is quite often a case. or is it that through our thoughts we can affect or direct future? even if it is future of somebody else, really really far away? are we sending some type of carma? what is it? i am not afraid of it, but i do not want to hurt anybody by my thoughts....